I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
