woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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