I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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