She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
