Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize