dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
