just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
