we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
