I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
