I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
