If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize