Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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