Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
