i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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