We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm sobbing to NWA
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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