You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is my gift to your gina
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
