I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize