Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
