the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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