How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
