Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
