I skipped work to stalk him.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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