just come out here and I will go home with you...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
