Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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