Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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