my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Found the puke drawer
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
