dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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