Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
