Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
