i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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