i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
