Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
