one might say we're banned from that church
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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