Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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