ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize