Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
