need another drink. this is the easiest way
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
