I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
