I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my poor anus
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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