Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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