As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
