Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He better not be in your backpack
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
