He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
