chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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