My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
