I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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