I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
