I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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