In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
