i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
