I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
