My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
