Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
