well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I CAN MOONWALK!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
