when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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