Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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