Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
