Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
