cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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