sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
