you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize