bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
