I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
