yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
