Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
