He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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