At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Girls should come with a carfax report
He passed out mid-signature
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
