He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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