it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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