I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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